The Oscar speech we’d like to hear Sunday night: “Members of the Academy, what hypocrites and conformists so many of you are!”

DAVE WALSH—“What rotten hypocrites many of you are! Wouldn’t it be lovely if all the details of your sex lives, including from 30 or 40 years ago, came to light? Would they be so irreproachable? Has any artistic community ever been renowned for its moral firmness and self-restraint? Show me one! This new puritanism is as reprehensible as the original one. It’s the sanctimonious, censorious, self-centered upper-middle class in charge, God help us.”